If you are leading and not 100% in agreement and alignment with what you think, speak or behave – you are being at least a little in-congruent.
If you have ever found yourself in a position of ‘teaching’ and not doing yourself; you may already know what I am talking about. If you have ever thought – “that’s good for that goose and not for this gander”, you might be interested in these 7 ways to be more congruent:
1. Do you walk your talk?
Almost a platitude now, the phrase walking your talk has lost some of its power. This happens a lot with sayings, we hear it so often – it loses its anchoring effect.
Is it time for you to check in to see if you walk your talk?
Are you passionate about a subject and do you speak on it often? Do you still engage with it with the same passion on a personal level?
It’s easy to let things slip. All it takes is a slip of focus.
Perhaps it is time for you to re-focus if you’ve found your self slipping. Why? Those who you hope to influence are watching. They are watching for your congruence. They are looking to trust you – and they will; when you are transparent, consistent and congruent.
2. Do you do as you believe?
Do you believe others can do better? How about you? Can you do better? The pursuit of “‘betterism” is key in the leadership skill of being congruent. Why? Expectations of “being better” are out there. If you are not thinking of how you can do and be better, on some level you are not keeping up with what you believe.
3. Do you live your values?
If you feel something is important and do not act as if it is important – on some level you are settling for less. If you are settling instead of risking living your values fully. Somewhere someone else is leading YOU instead of you leading yourself. Not to worry if you feel that you’ve neglected your own values for a while; it happens to us all from time to time. It could be that your values have changed over time.
If it is time to reconnect with what is most important – you’ll feel yourself becoming more congruent.
4. Do you follow your passions?
A passion is something that makes you come alive. It’s something you love doing when you are doing it. If there is something you would like to spend your time doing – and you are not dedicating part of your day or week to doing it – What does that say?
It may say – that you think one thing – and do another. It may say that you think less of your own happiness or worth than you do of role or choice. It may just say – that you haven’t been aligning your actions with what you think about.
If you are passionate about something – living from congruence means you have made room for it in your life.
5. Do you fully express yourself?
If you have found yourself holding back your voice of self-expression, you know that uncomfortable feeling that comes along with that. It feels awful. You want to say what you want to say – yet there are risks. Someone might not like what you say.
Well, there more risks than that. Most of us can’t hide your facial expressions very well, and others will know you are not being congruent.
6. Are you consistent?
Congruence has an energy trail. If you are repeatedly congruent – others will begin to trust you more. It’s a cornerstone of being trust worthy. If you are inconsistent, people will begin to see you as in-congruent with your behavior as a pattern.
7. Do you tell the truth?
Along with being consistent, telling the truth is a cornerstone of congruence. Telling the truth means telling YOUR truth. The truth of how you feel, how you think, how you act.
When we are talking personal leadership – there are no grey areas – either you are telling the truth – or you are not.
Truth-telling is congruence.
If you hope to influence, inspire or to have people trust you as you lead – congruence is imperative. It affects everything from your personal presence, to the results you gain from the contributions you wish to make as a leader.
On a personal level, how you lead yourself (in congruence) also will affect your own personal level of fulfillment.
After all, in the end – you want to feel good about what you do – and being congruent is just one way you get to realize that sense of fulfillment.
I think 3 is the biggest problem in the world probably. If everyone just lived the values they SAY they have, what amazing stuff we’d all do!
I agree with you Adam. Living their own personal values – is a big, big issue for a lot of folks. I feel a particular sadness when I think about what the world misses out on when someone chooses not to do what is meaningful – and chooses instead to do what is popular. I am saddened too because I know that folks miss out on a lot of juicy personal fulfillment.
Here is to more of us doing amazing stuff!