10 Personal Leadership Tips on How to Be Unconditionally Compassionate

personal leadership compassion

 

“One of those blessings was each day, I had the opportunity to get better and better at being unconditionally compassionate.’

I’ve learned, when the purpose and meaningfulness are large enough – our compassion doesn’t need boundaries of a clock – nor of personal energy tank levels.  When the meaningfulness and love are there; empathy and compassion flows freely.

I used to believe it was very difficult to attempt to give empathy if my self-empathy was low or depleted and while there is still truth in that statement, what I also believe is that unconditional compassion is possible when you are “filled with love”.  I have found that LOVE topped my empathy tank instantly, and my level of personal presence soared.

Even in the face of what previously might have been overwhelmingly unfaceable stuff, I now believe it’s possible to be compassionate without limits.

Here are 10 tips to help you leverage love to get better at being unconditionally compassionate:

  1. Listen to Love and Express with Love.   The voice of love is a calm and soothing voice.  It’s not the hurtful things people might when they are hurting.  It’s not the judgements or criticisms that may come towards you.   Key – is to validate your wholeness rather than looking outside yourself for validation of the magnificent being you are. When you express with Love, you say everything that needs to be said from Love.  People need to hear your love – feeling it is one thing – expressing it is equally important.  And I found they just might need to hear what you have to say.  Even if it’s something simple as “It’s OK to go, Dad, we’ll be OK”.
  2. Allow instead of control.  When you allow options and choices to flow with ease, things flow.  “Love going with the flow”. It leaves you in the most flexible position to be able to respond to what you witness.
  3. Self-manage.   Feel your emotions and at the same time you do it for yourself you have the opportunity to help the other to self-manage too.  The better the energy of the emotions can flow – the more intimacy and authenticity gets to be present between you and another.
  4. Jettison any judgements you may find yourself collecting.  Judgement is just another way of separating yourself from Awareness and Truth.  Remember we are ONE.
  5. Pity nothing.  Pitying puts you on a different level than the one you are serving.  Learn to love seeing yourself as one with them.
  6. Serve instead of manage.  Serving takes into account the wishes, hopes, capacity and needs of the other.  Managing implies you need to control behaviours to reach an intended outcome.   Sometimes being in service is the gift you give.
  7. Have a cause yet don’t get crippled by it.  When a loved cause becomes a burden – compassion suffers.  It takes a light connection to a cause to be able to embrace it fully & continually.
  8. Forgive.  Forgive them and yourself.  Everyone does the very best they can with what resourcefulness they have at any given moment. See them with LOVE.
  9. Laugh lots. Laughter helps keep things light.  Even the densest of situations can be lightened up with a little congruent laughter.
  10. Stay in the present moment.  Letting your mind drift to the past or to what might be coming next can either get you lost in stories or worry.   Remember fear can’t live in the present moment.

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This article was a result of my time giving at-home-complex-palliative care for my 82-year-old father who had end-stage bone cancer.

Dad had a terrible time of it – and while that was true, it was also true there were many blessings and a legacy of love that came from sharing this experience with him.

Note:Dad I’ve written these 10 tips in the context of caregiving – yet believe they can be universally useful.   Test them out.   Identify a scenario where you feel you could be better at being unconditionally compassionate – and see if you feel these tips are helpful.

Have additional tips? Leave a comment to share.

Looking for another perspective of compassion?  Have a listen in on Joan Hyatt’s TED talk on compassion and empathy – It is moving and so accurate a description: http://www.ted.com/talks/joan_halifax.html

An Authentic Life – 25 Ways to Live it

Authenticy - 25 ways to live it

Authenticy - 25 ways to live it

Let’s define AUTHENTICITY:

I like to think of authenticity as our ability to be in connection with our true essence and then act in alignment from that place.

It’s a combination of both being and doing. It’s the awareness of your authentic essence and all that entails.
It is the awareness of your beliefs, desires, needs, talents, integrity and personal destiny, and then seeing then seeing that personal presence in action every day.

It is the credibility of authenticity that comes from your behaviors that we are most drawn to when we think of authenticity.  As much as we think about authenticity as a being state; authenticity in real-time awareness comes from the consistent behaviors we witness and demonstrate in our lives.

Why might you want to demonstrate a more authentic life?
There are some natural by-products of living a more authentic life that are worth mentioning here.    People trust authentic people.  They trust the consistency of their authenticity.

Would you like to be trusted more?  If so, demonstrate more authenticity. Trust is also is a personal leadership trait.

You also get to feel a bit better about life, yourself and what you deliver.   One of the most direct routes to turning around low vitality, low self-esteem, low passion and even low moods can be to begin living a more authentic life.

It is the re-alignment with a completeness of integrity that is so much a part of being authentic that it shifts you a place of being caught in life’s common paradigms to a more holistic, connected experience.  I believe you get to be a better personal leader.

Here are 25 ways to live a more authentic life:
1. Tell the truth.  It’s everything from admitting mistakes to owning your fallibility.  It’s what you believe – put into words. (Your current truths)  It’s what’s behind your eyes – shared with transparency.
2. Be powerfully self-expressed. In addition to telling the truth, your demonstration of full self-expression is a cornerstone to sharing your essence.  This is a path of COURAGE, LOVE, and Inspiration.
Standing up in the face of those who are not currently fully expressed themselves is one of the reasons courage and love states are so important.
3. Know your wants and desires.  Our desires drive us whether we are fully conscious of them or not.  When you raise your awareness of what you truly, truly want and desire – you get to be the driver.
4. Know what you are tolerating and tolerate less.  Tolerations are those things you might “put up with” or normalize because you aren’t quite ready to deal with them. It is all the things you might procrastinate around – it’s all the things you might not want to face.  It could be anything from undone home repairs, clutter, paying attention to your body, or even sorting out unsupportive relationships.
5. Get out of the Box.  (Whatever your box is)  Our frames of reference determine our experience.  Get bigger perspectives by leveraging the practice of thinking about your thinking and bringing in multiple perspectives.  Any time you can raise your awareness of your current paradigm – this is a good thing.
6. Be more Graceful. Grace requires that you develop a natural flexibility and nimbleness that comes from that flexibility.
7. Be in Service.  When you are in service from the heart, the love you feel is transferred energetically and with it – transmits some of your core essences.
 8. Be positive. When you are stating things in the positive, you are sharing what it is you to like, what it is you do want, and what it is you do believe. This expression of what your thoughts; demonstrates some authentic pieces of you.
9. Find things you enjoy. When we are passionate about something, not only are we very enrolling, we are also sharing our emotional energy about what brings us alive, and it’s that sharing that demonstrates our authenticity.
10. Leverage your talents and strengths. When you make use of your natural talents and gifts, one of the things that happen as a byproduct is that you find ease.  Within this ease is a demonstration of your essence.
11. Use the resource of visualization.  When we practice visualization, we are rehearsing a conditional future that hasn’t happened yet. It is this habit of practicing next steps that help bring out information relating to what we think how we feel and how we perceive. All are demonstrations of our authenticity.
12. Meditate. When we sit quietly and listen, we can often gain insight to our next great step; an authentic one.
13. Live your destiny.  Your destiny within you is that uniqueness that is yearning to be lived.
14.  See what’s perfect rather than striving to “be” perfect. When you attempt to be perfect, we are in effect, striving. And when we are striving for an ideal, we are heading away from our authenticity.  But when we instead see what is perfect we expand her awareness in a nonjudgmental way.
15. Make friends with your gut sense.  Accessing your intuition is one of the best ways to bring more authenticity into your day. Our emotions teach us. Learn to be a good student of your felt senses.
16. Simplify things. The act of simplifying in some ways is the act of stripping away everything until you get down to pure essence. Simplifying is a path of authenticity.
17. Get comfortable in your skin.  Learning to love yourself, including loving your body is an excellent way to live a more authentic life.  As you love yourself, you stride with grace and ease.  As you love yourself, your essence can come through. The language with which we speak with our bodies is a visual one. It’s a visual language that demonstrates our authenticity.
18. Shake hands with your shadow.  For every light, there is a shadow. Learning more about your shadow side, can help you express more of who you authentically are.
19. Have your intentions be known. Your intentions are the “why” behind your behaviors and your expectations. When you share your intentions, it takes away doubt around how you are making meaning.
20. Journal – a lot. A practice of stream of consciousness writing can assist you to riase up to the surface deeper thoughts, expectations, wishes and dreams that might’ve otherwise stayed below the surface.
21. Get your needs met. When you need taking care of, it takes out of the picture any need to manipulate in order to get those needs met . You are free to be authentically you.
22. Be self-full. Taking care of yourself and making sure your own tanks are full and give you lots of space for your own authenticity. It’s a lot easier to give when you have a full tank.
24. Do what you will say you’ll do (at minimum). Being consistent with follow thru on the promises you make – helps others trust that you are fully congruent.  They can sense when you are congruent and when you are not.   Having your speech and your deeds be in alignment is one great way for you to know that you are congruent also.
25. Express your gratitude. The practice of expressing gratitude is a great way to bring forth feelings that are present when you are grateful and in a state of love.

When you are being authentic and demonstrating a more authentic life – there are many benefits to be had.  In the end though, it’s up to you whether you want to invest the time, energy and resources to become more of your authentic self.  A path of authenticity – well, it’s a true path of personal evolution – and like any journey it begins with simple steps.

Take a moment for yourself now, and see if there’s any items on this list that you might want to adopt as a focus  for yourself.