Self Leadership – The Energy Drain of the Automatic Yes

The Automatic YesLet’s define the automatic Yes.   An automatic yes is when you respond to an invitation  without taking time to pause in order access your personal energy,resources or values.

There is a reason – so many women leaders make overcommitments:

As a woman, If you are not too exhausted, you probably love to be able to say Yes!  For the most part –  It’s in your nature to serve others.   And let’s be honest – when you get to say yes – it feels good.

In general Yes’s can raise your vibrational energy when they are in alignment with your beliefs and available vitality. That’s the good news.   A mind, body and spirit totally aligned yes – can be a very joyful experience.

When Yes’s are automatic however, they just may cause you to extend past your available energy, resources or beliefs. Automatic yes’s – they can instead dampen your energy and even take you down right into an exhaustion cycle.

Let’s look at some the factors around self leadership Yes’s and No’s:

Benefits of Yes’s (perceived)

  • You might be seen as someone who is organized and time-wise.
  • You will be liked for your response. People love to hear yes.
  • You might be appreciated. People are grateful you said yes.
  • You might bolster some else’s esteem. A yes makes someone feel good about themselves.
  • You might ease some else’s stress or burden
  • You might get to delay a decision
  • You will please someone

Consequences of Automatic Yes’s

  • You might make an overcommitment  – and either get tired, or do a lower quality of service as a result
  • You might have to disappoint someone afterwards – because you can’t complete on what you agreed to do
  • You might become resentful of having to do what you said yes to
  • You put others before yourself.   Your needs get back-burnered.
  • You make no traction on your own goals because you have gifted your time, energy and resources to another vision – not your own
  • You’ll have no more capacity for “Really Big Yes’s”
  • You might have to lie again later
  • You might delay decisions

Consequences of No’s

  • Someone wouldn’t like it
  • You might be left at some point
  • You might leave someone else behind at some point
  • You might lose out
  • You might have to actually do what you say is important to you
  • You’ll have to make a decision
  • There might be trouble

Why do Automatic Yes’s?

The reason so many women give automatic yes?  The answer deeply lies in one question:

 What is it YOU would have to feel – if you were to not to say yes?

A No spoken with congruence and alignment of mind-body and spirit not only is true to your own essence – it often is in service to the other.  When we give from a place of  low congruence – we give to the other person – less than they deserve – and in some ways we might even cheat them from the opportunity of finding a better option.

When we give from a place of a resounding yes!  we give our whole heart body and soul.  People do deserve this from us.  In self leadership,when you respond with the truth of your capacity and wishes – you give to another a gift. You give to your self – aliveness.

I am going to urge you to stop the practice of saying yes before you make an assessment about whether it really, really works for you.  Instead, I urge you to check in with your boundaries by pausing long enough to check-in on three things:

  1. A self assessment as to if you have the time, energy and resources to be able to deliver on your yes from a place of abundance.
  2. Assess whether this invite is in alignment with your goals – or is important enough to override your goal and values.
  3. If there is an emotional charge present – that you wait for clarity through that emotional wave.

All three of these check-in’s require you to get present to the question “What would I need to feel if I was not to say yes?” and then pause long enough to respond from full congruence.

Also watch out for these signs that you are perhaps making overcommitments:

  • A feeling that there is an expectation to say yes
  • A thought that you are obligated to say yes
  • A lack of enough awareness of  what you are really getting yourself into
  • A not yet learned skill of judgment. Over estimating your capacity.  (stopping and thinking before committing)
  • A not yet learned skill of  feeling things fully ( so you can respond instead of react)
  • Perhaps even fearing the consequences or outfall of saying no
  • “Over-using” a natural strength of responsibility

Let’s have you live in the place of a holistic yes.   A place where your heart and soul is aligned in everything you do – and you still have enough ease and energy to do the things that are most important to you.

You can do this – and the best news with you start saying big yes’s with 100% congruence you’ll give the best of who you are to the world.  Both you and the world deserve that.


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that I consider off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *