Never Fear Judgement Again

This is a rant.  Yet more than that, it’s the 20 year anniversary of the year I stopped fearing  judgement.

Imagine yourself doing something you have always wanted to do.

Take a moment now and see yourself doing it, and feel the long-awaited feelings of enjoying it.

Now, imagine stopping yourself from doing it just because you are afraid of someone else judging you.

Imagine seeing yourself stopping dead in your tracks and hearing your little inner voice say, “If you do this, they will laugh. If you do this, they will judge you.”

Imagine the feelings as you stop yourself for fear of another’s judgement.  Is it fear?

Has this ever happened to you?   Can you remember a moment of regret?

The fear or regret of shutting down and not living your life to the fullest?

Have you claimed your life? Or do you just exist?    Can you remember when this was true for you?

I can.  I lived my life in that way for many, many years.

This is a message about the old adage, “Use it or lose it.”  Some people will tell you this applies to your mind – how important it is to keep on learning and use your mind, otherwise you might just lose it.

Well, we have all read the studies on how this may be true.

For some people, it’s only about the body.  Maintain your physical fitness or your will lose it.   Well, I know THAT one is true.

“Use it or lose it,” for me, is also about spirit.  I believe we all need to exercise our spiritual knowing.   I believe when we shut down our spiritual nature, we lose it.

This happened to me.  I chose for whatever reason to stop using my spiritual nature – and I lost it.

A short story: 

Body image, for me, has had a whole lot less to do with my physical attractiveness than my self-esteem.

It was authentically mine – yet I learned to have low body self-esteem.  At some time along the way, I lost my spiritual perspective about who I was in the world.

I can remember comments from my family and relationships that I internalized and then created what I now call, “self-esteem dips”.    Those aside, I remember one particular day when I was walking home from work and a blue Plymouth Scamp filled with  young men drove by. From out of that car hung these immature boys, pointing fingers and pointing at me, and calling out, “Hey, look! It’s a beached whale.”

Those six little words were like tiny little daggers piercing my heart.

I can tell you THAT day, I had already lost my spirit.  I was 25 years old, and I had become so fearful of other people’s judgements that I had shut down completely.

I was not living life; I just existed.

My diary entries for years talked about the things I would love to do but did not do.    The days I did not go swimming.  The days I passed on bowling because I was afraid of the judgement from people seeing that little ‘10’ on the back of my shoes.

The days I did not go for a walk or go to the beach.   The days I did not wear shorts.  The days I did not allow anyone to get close enough to touch me.

Somewhere, somehow, I had gotten it into my head that people had their judgements of me and they would hold on to them—not for moments, but for days.

But 20 years ago, in 1992,  something happened that changed my life.   I got my spirit back.  It happened while I was packing for a business trip to Egypt.  It was a trip I was thrilled to be taking, because for over 20 years, I had been fascinated with Egyptian mythology.  I was captivated by the Valley of the Kings, the Sphinx, and the Pyramids.   As early as ten years of age, I was talking about pharaohs instead of Barbie dolls.

The crisis point:

The day I was packing for my trip, I came to the dreaded decision as to whether to pack a bathing suit or not. I froze. Imagine this: I was travelling to Egypt during the hottest time of the year (120 degrees F), and I was having an internal debate about whether I should pack my suit.

The silliness of the debate had something boiling up inside of me.  I got angry.  I have always been sensitized to anger and yet, I sure felt it that day.  I let out a scream.  Followed by a declaration: “I will not be stopped from going swimming because of my fear of judgement.” “I will not stop my ability to be cooled off in hot weather.”

My declarations were followed by a huge gush of self-worth.

Well, I took and frequently used my bathing suit on that trip, and I’ve taken my bathing suit on every trip since.    Since that time, I have modeled plus size clothing, taught aerobic classes, and spent hours rollerblading.  I go bowling.  I wear shorts and I hug people.

I’ve claimed my life back.

If this story is resonating for you, don’t let one more moment pass before you make your own declaration to live your own fulfilled life.    Don’t let one more day pass where you feel you are striving rather than thriving.

It’s not necessary to experience something so painful in order to compel yourself through fear.     Just choose.

Claim your self-worth.  Get a little angry if it helps you, too.  Claim your life, and realize that people are mostly just worried about their own stuff, and the truth is they really don’t spend that much time thinking of you at all.

It would be a shame if you missed out on stuff you really wanted  to do and the things you desire because of the possibility of a three-second judgement that someone may or may not have about you.

So, when it comes time for you to claim your spirit back, when given the choice to “use it or lose it,” I  hope you will use your spirit and live life fully, regardless of what someone else may think.

Never fear judgement again.  Be brave, for those who are truly brave – will never fear judgement again.

 

  • Hypnotherapy says:

    very good article.I like these lines the most ” Never fear judgement again. Be brave, for those who are truly brave – will never fear judgement again.”

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