If you want to have more of your own self-defined success; let go of the need for external approval. The love you crave can better come from your own internal sense of wholeness and approval.
You have enough to try to hold onto these days. You don’t need to take on the extra weight of the deeds needed to attempt to get approval from others.
If you find yourself wanting validation from someone, this is a sign you are carrying an unneeded burden.
If you instead live more out of your own authenticity and your sense of already being whole, you will recognize you are love.
The truth is, we are deeply conditioned by our society to believe that other people have the roles to give us the approval and love that we feel we need.
It’s an illusion that has been created from the messages in our living environments, from our families, and from our leaders. We are told for example:
- A partner will complete our need for love, and THAT will make us ‘whole’.
- We should work for the approval of our family, friends or our boss.
- Our definitions of success should be tied to what others think of us.
If you find yourself carrying the burden of the extra work in order to produce enough so that others display their happiness in return. This is when the burden becomes a heavy one.
If you take on values or things of importance to please others, this too is a drain of energy for there is not much fulfillment in living-out other people’s values over your own.
If you enter into relationships that are not completely nurturing, then this too is the time when the experience is perhaps an unnecessary one.
To live authentically from wholeness, it takes accessing an inner knowing that you are already whole and complete just as you are in this moment. No additional approval is required for you to live from your own authenticity. Yet, it is so easy to believe that unless you do more, have more, or be more – there is something missing.
It takes the awareness that you are already whole and complete. You are already enough. You are already a demonstration of LOVE, there is nothing need to complete you. You are a magnificent being, deserving to radiate the love that is already inside you.
In practice, here 3 things to remember if you find yourself getting caught up a pattern of doing something for the approval of another:
1. Recognize you can more frequently access your own internal knowing of your own satisfaction.
2. Remember that you ARE LOVE. Once you remember this, it is much easier to recognize that ‘no-thing’ is missing from your experience.
3. Recognize that doing anything for approval or validation as the intention – takes you away from your own authentic connection with your own source of Love and awareness of Wholeness.
Here are some examples of ways separation from wholeness can show up in our daily lives:
- Imagine for a moment that you want to have someone purchase a service that you provide. If you are believing that you are not enough – and that you need their business to feel whole – your desire for their business will have a palpable ‘needy’ energy that your perspective client will recognize.
- Imagine you would like a primary relationship or a partner. If you believe you need the approval or love from this other to feel whole and complete. It’s possible that love could be ‘withheld’ from you by someone who has the intention to control or manipulate you. If instead, you were self-love-filled, you are less likely to tolerate that kind of manipulation.
- Imagine yourself in a board meeting. If your need to be liked is greater than your passion for the cause you are standing for. The cause loses. It takes full expression without the fear of losing love – to be an advocate with full self-expression.
Watch for these 3 indicators that you’ve lost your connection with your own wholeness:
a. You’ve shut down your capacity to be fully and powerfully self-expressed. You are holding back or you fear someone will not like what you would really like to say.
b. You’ve limited your flexibility and openness to handle change, and you are now feeling frustrated or stuck or craving things to stay the same.
c. You’re looking outside of yourself to be loved. That need for a pat on the back or to be appreciated by your boss perhaps?
If you find your self-caught up in the story that you need someone’s validation just bring your awareness back to the 3 tips and decide what is important to you, affirm that you are love, and when ever that feels challenging to do, remember to give yourself a little self-acknowledgement and self-appreciation.
If you are facilitating others, here is a nice shift in perspective from Steve Davis from FacilitatorU.com. Here he reminds you of things you can forget.