7 Simple Ways to Gain Confidence with a Personal Leadership Plan



It’s possible your level of self-confidence has changed over the years.   There may be times – you felt very self-confident.

There may be times as well when you found your confidence waning, especially after a time of being away from your self-leadership skill set.

Here are some distinctions that are often really easy to forget:

1. Self-confidence is not a static destination, instead – it’s a state of being that is both fluid and cumulative.

2. Self-confidence is a mind-body state that requires the congruence between intention, repeating resourceful thoughts and emotional energy.

3. There is a difference between being confident around “doing a skill”, and being a confident person.

Here are some key awarenesses about confidence in action:

You pretty much know when you are having the experience of being confident around a skill-set.  You might even notice yourself standing a little taller and speaking with a stronger, truer voice.

What might be less conscious, is how to go about making  your own confidence grow by building a practice.

Why confidence is important in self-leadership:

There are three key things that you’ll do as a personal leader:

  1. You will influence others based on being a role model of what matters most. If your certainty is greater than their doubt – you will have influence.
  2. You will choose how to respond in any given situation. The more confident you are with your choices and  how you will respond will directly affect your outcome.
  3. You will be taking action. The more confident you are in your actions, behaviors and habits, the more effective you can be.

These are just some of the reasons improving your self-confidence is actually a personal leadership development opportunity.

THERE IS a price for self-confidence, it is to be in action. We earn our confidence by extending ourselves and then accumulate confidence as we go. The more we extend, the more we build.

This is why confidence-building can become a habit or a practice that you can design.

“Confidence building, it’s the practice of being willing to be uncomfortable”

One of the easiest ways  to build your confidence is to include your journey inside a personal leadership development plan because it will be something you’ll do step-by-step.

Here are seven simple ways to immediately improve your self-confidence:

  1. Recognize practicing and gaining mastery, improves self-confidence

The awareness that it’s only realistic to get confident by undertaking a practice of self-mastery is an important one. Getting caught up in the expectation that you’d be masterful at something without practice is both a limited thought and expectation, that in the end, after the probable reality sets in – may actually take away from your level of confidence – rather than add to it.

“Struggle and disappointment are two of the biggest confidence drains out there”

Tip: follow your bliss. When you are passionate about something, it’s a lot easier to stick with the practices that lead you to watch your mastery. Design practices that will bring you closer.

  1. Deal with any stuff that might be in the way, right away

Recognize that there may be fears that might be diminishing your level of self-confidence. You might just be really surprised to find out that a fear about being isolated or a fear of criticism might be big barriers to improving your self-confidence.

Tip: Write out a list of things that might be getting in the way of your self-confidence and think of a few ways you might begin to master your fear.

3. Master your thinking. Think better to feel better

Our thoughts have a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves  when you learn how to control the internal committee of critics and create streams of thought that support you and not weigh you down.

Retrain your brain to serve you. Taming the gremlins and maintaining separation between what is truth and what is just an interpretation of an internal critic, are the first steps to mastering your thinking.

4. Master your emotions. You’ll do better when you feel better

When you have emotional mastery, you can choose how you feel in any given moment. Then you can stop reacting and start responding to things.  When you do this, you’ll struggle less. Begin by making an agreement with yourself that you’ll no longer avoid feeling things fully.

Tip: Begin today by making yourself a promise that you’ll be present to whatever shows up.

5. Master the practice of your skill of choice

Confidence is the by-product of competence. As you improve your competence your confidence will grow.

Tip: Use this simple method to plan out your skill-set learning. Download this free planning form.

6. See the bigger perspective

Seeing the big view of things as you access how confident you are, is one of the best ways to put things into perspective. There is nothing like a good reality check into your true magnificence.

All too often confidence dips can be directly linked to an interpretation and not the full truth of the situation.

7. Be in your best personal presence

Living in the present moment helps to quiet negative self-talk.  Fear just can’t live in the present moment; for when you are present – the illusionary nature of fear can be witnessed.   Personal presence is by far the most resourceful state you can leverage.  It’s from this place you can be your most flexible, creative and knowing self.

Tip: Fastest way to bring yourself present?  Just stop and take 3 slow long breaths.


What has helped you become more self-confident around the things you choose to do?

7 Ways to Lead Yourself with Congruence

incongruenceIf you are leading and not 100% in agreement and alignment with what you think, speak or behave – you are being at least a little in-congruent.

If you have ever found yourself in a position of  ‘teaching’ and not doing yourself; you may already know what I am talking about.  If you have ever thought – “that’s good for that goose and not for this gander”, you might be interested in these 7 ways to be more congruent:

1. Do you walk your  talk?  

Almost a platitude now, the phrase walking your talk has lost some of its power.  This happens a lot with sayings,  we hear it so often – it loses its anchoring effect.

Is it time for you to check in to see if you walk your talk?

Are you passionate about a subject and do you speak on it often?  Do you still engage with it with the same passion on a personal level?

It’s easy to let things slip.  All it takes is a slip of focus.  

Perhaps it is time for you to re-focus if you’ve found your self slipping.    Why?   Those who you hope to influence are watching.  They are watching for your congruence.  They are looking to trust you – and they will; when you are transparent, consistent and congruent.

2. Do you do as you believe?  

Do you believe others can do better?   How about you?  Can you do better?  The pursuit of  “‘betterism” is key in the leadership skill of being congruent.  Why?  Expectations of “being better” are out there.  If you are not thinking of how you can do and be better, on some level you are not keeping up with what you believe.

3. Do you live your values?  

If you feel something is important and do not act as if it is important – on some level you are settling for less.  If you are settling instead of risking living your values fully.  Somewhere someone else is leading YOU instead of you leading yourself.   Not to worry if you feel that you’ve neglected your own values for a while; it happens to us all from time to time.  It could be that  your values have changed over time.

If it is time to reconnect with what is most important – you’ll feel yourself becoming more congruent.

4. Do you follow your passions?

A passion is something that makes you come alive. It’s something you love doing when you are doing it.  If there is something you would like to spend your time doing – and you are not dedicating part of your day or week to doing it – What does that say?

It may say – that you think one thing – and do another.  It may say that you think less of your own happiness or worth than you do of role or choice.  It may just say – that you haven’t been aligning your actions with what you think about.

If you are passionate about something – living from congruence means you have made room for it in your life.

5. Do you fully express yourself?  

If you have found yourself holding back your voice of  self-expression, you know that uncomfortable feeling that comes along with that.  It feels awful.  You want to say what you want to say – yet there are risks.  Someone might not like what you say.

Well, there more risks than that.   Most of us can’t hide your facial expressions very well, and others will know you are not being congruent.

6. Are you consistent?

Congruence has an energy trail.   If you are repeatedly congruent – others will begin to trust you more.  It’s a cornerstone of being trust worthy.  If you are inconsistent, people will begin to see you as in-congruent with your behavior as a pattern.

7. Do you tell the truth?

Along with being consistent, telling the truth is a cornerstone of congruence. Telling the truth means telling YOUR truth. The truth of how you feel, how you think, how you act.

When we are talking personal leadership – there are no grey areas – either you are telling the truth – or you are not.

Truth-telling is congruence.

If you hope to influence, inspire or to have people trust you as you lead – congruence is imperative.  It affects everything from your personal presence, to the results you gain from the contributions you wish to make as a leader.


On a personal level, how you lead yourself (in congruence) also will affect your own personal level of fulfillment.

After all, in the end – you want to feel good about what you do  – and being congruent is just one way you get to realize that sense of fulfillment.