7 Ways to Lead Yourself with Congruence

incongruenceIf you are leading and not 100% in agreement and alignment with what you think, speak or behave – you are being at least a little in-congruent.

If you have ever found yourself in a position of  ‘teaching’ and not doing yourself; you may already know what I am talking about.  If you have ever thought – “that’s good for that goose and not for this gander”, you might be interested in these 7 ways to be more congruent:

1. Do you walk your  talk?  

Almost a platitude now, the phrase walking your talk has lost some of its power.  This happens a lot with sayings,  we hear it so often – it loses its anchoring effect.

Is it time for you to check in to see if you walk your talk?

Are you passionate about a subject and do you speak on it often?  Do you still engage with it with the same passion on a personal level?

It’s easy to let things slip.  All it takes is a slip of focus.  

Perhaps it is time for you to re-focus if you’ve found your self slipping.    Why?   Those who you hope to influence are watching.  They are watching for your congruence.  They are looking to trust you – and they will; when you are transparent, consistent and congruent.

2. Do you do as you believe?  

Do you believe others can do better?   How about you?  Can you do better?  The pursuit of  “‘betterism” is key in the leadership skill of being congruent.  Why?  Expectations of “being better” are out there.  If you are not thinking of how you can do and be better, on some level you are not keeping up with what you believe.

3. Do you live your values?  

If you feel something is important and do not act as if it is important – on some level you are settling for less.  If you are settling instead of risking living your values fully.  Somewhere someone else is leading YOU instead of you leading yourself.   Not to worry if you feel that you’ve neglected your own values for a while; it happens to us all from time to time.  It could be that  your values have changed over time.

If it is time to reconnect with what is most important – you’ll feel yourself becoming more congruent.

4. Do you follow your passions?

A passion is something that makes you come alive. It’s something you love doing when you are doing it.  If there is something you would like to spend your time doing – and you are not dedicating part of your day or week to doing it – What does that say?

It may say – that you think one thing – and do another.  It may say that you think less of your own happiness or worth than you do of role or choice.  It may just say – that you haven’t been aligning your actions with what you think about.

If you are passionate about something – living from congruence means you have made room for it in your life.

5. Do you fully express yourself?  

If you have found yourself holding back your voice of  self-expression, you know that uncomfortable feeling that comes along with that.  It feels awful.  You want to say what you want to say – yet there are risks.  Someone might not like what you say.

Well, there more risks than that.   Most of us can’t hide your facial expressions very well, and others will know you are not being congruent.

6. Are you consistent?

Congruence has an energy trail.   If you are repeatedly congruent – others will begin to trust you more.  It’s a cornerstone of being trust worthy.  If you are inconsistent, people will begin to see you as in-congruent with your behavior as a pattern.

7. Do you tell the truth?

Along with being consistent, telling the truth is a cornerstone of congruence. Telling the truth means telling YOUR truth. The truth of how you feel, how you think, how you act.

When we are talking personal leadership – there are no grey areas – either you are telling the truth – or you are not.

Truth-telling is congruence.

If you hope to influence, inspire or to have people trust you as you lead – congruence is imperative.  It affects everything from your personal presence, to the results you gain from the contributions you wish to make as a leader.


On a personal level, how you lead yourself (in congruence) also will affect your own personal level of fulfillment.

After all, in the end – you want to feel good about what you do  – and being congruent is just one way you get to realize that sense of fulfillment.



Self Leading Yourself Out of Problems – Part 1

got a problem Got Problems?  Most of us do.   And if you haven’t got caught up in the illusion that problems are personal, pervasive or permanent – there are ways to dramatically reduce the amount of problems you attract and need to contend with in your life by undertaking a path of better self leadership. Besides personal fulfillment – personal leadership is also a path of problem avoidance when you make a plan to overcome the things that may stop you in life. (problems)

Heare are 3 ideas in a 3 part series that just might help you to cut the amount of problems in your life:

1.  Reduce the amount of things you are tolerating.   What are tolerations?  They are those little things left undone, unspoken and unresolved that hold energy in place.  They are those things, when cleared, completed, or solved – they free up amazing energy.

They don’t have to be big things.  The can be simple meaningful things to you.

The idea here is that you first identify what it is you ARE tolerating. Make a list.

It could anything in your home such as clutter or broken things.  It might be things in your relationships like unspoken needs, or unmet expectations.  It might be things in your environment like too much noise, or unwanted messages.   It may be anything you have not completed on.  It may even be things like behaviours you do, or avoid doing – and you are tolerating the avoidance or procrastination.

Once you have created your list.   Take 10 of them – and clear them up.  Generally, you can only get so far before an increasing backlog of tolerations is going to start causing your problems.

2.  Take on an abundance mindset.  Abundance is having more than enough, and knowing on a spiritual level this is true.   When you have healthy reserves in all areas of your life  – a lot of problems dissipate.   For example,  have you diminished your own health buffer by working too hard, sleeping too little, or eating less than nutrient dense foods?   What if instead – you behaved as if you were creating a health buffer.   Do you think you could better stave off dis-ease?

When you undertake a perspective of having more abundance,  problems relating to time, money, love, space, and personal fulfillment shift.

3. Embrace the choice to be in integrity – always.  Integrity is so much a valued personal leadership trait because when we live in integrity our relationships improve.  So does our certainty and our ability to live in uncertainty while we are waiting for “knowing” moments.

The word integrity originates from the Latin word  integritas meaning “whole“.  So when you are in integrity in your entire life – there is a sense of deep fulfillment that can be yours.

There are many tips how to better live in integrity  we can gather from others – but more than anything – integrity is an inside to outside self leadership behaviour.  It means we know what we think, what we feel, and we express ourselves with congruence. It means we are open and flexible and yet – are very clear on what is most meaningful and valued by ourselves.

As you can see, just these 3 ideas alone, if you were to put them in to practice could significantly cut the amount of problems you may be experiencing in your life.

Spend a few moments thinking today what a world of action, abundance, and always integrity would be like for you.  All these 3 things are about actively making your life better, right now and into the future.

  • see also

Leading Yourself Out of Problems – Part 2

 Leading Yourself Out of Problems – Part 3